I feel like I am about to step out into the abyss; into suspended animation. After about two years of love sweat and tears poured into building my private counseling practice, it is time to take a little break. My second child is due next week and my maternity leave starts when ever he arrives.
The postpartum period is one of the most sacred and intense times in a mother's life and so I plan to honor the transition by taking a full three months away from all work. My son and I will have time to bond and learn each other's smells and patterns. My family will have time to accept and integrate this new life into our household. And my practice (another sort of child) will have to fall to the back of the line.
Needless to say, it is terrifying to step away from something I love so dearly and need so much. I can not know what will remain when I come back and I can't even know in what capacity I will make it back. But I have to refer my clients out, clear up the sage and the chimes, lock the door to my office and step away in good faith that all will be well until August.
I have to hope that all I have built is strong enough to be waiting for me when I return.
In the meantime, my bags are packed for a big life change and they are filled to the brim with things I have learned these past two years from my clients; so much #couchwisdom ...like:
"I can live deeply and fully right now"
"Life is a cycle so I can just be where I am"
"One small change opens the door to more change"
"I am grateful for my pain"
"I deserve love"
"It is okay to be less than perfect as long as I am honest"
What treasures! I am sure they will serve me well as I take this time to go inward and really focus on being the mother that I am. My son is lucky because he gets a mom who knows what she loves, who knows who she is, and who takes the time to put all that aside for a few months to just be herself with him.
Wish me luck, and I will see you on the other side.